The Family Life of a Nominee
There are two passages that give qualifications for elder (1 Timothy 3.1-7 and Titus 1). Then, there is one passage that gives qualifications for deacon (1 Timothy 3.8-10, 12-13) and one for deaconess (1 Timothy 3.11). In each passage, the Apostle Paul is telling the young pastors, Timothy and Titus, what to look for when selecting leaders for the church. There are some common threads, but the most significant is in terms of a leader’s family life. The thinking is, “If a Christian leader can sacrificially love their spouse and children, then he or she may have what it takes to lead in the church.” The converse is also true, “If a leader cannot sacrificially love his or her spouse and children, then he or she does not have what it takes to lead in the church.”
I used to think of myself as a pastor who happened to be married and have children. That needed to be flipped. Now I am trying to think of myself as a husband and father who happens to be a pastor. There’s a huge difference, especially as it pertains to Christian leadership. In other roles, we can compartmentalize our lives. It’s possible to be successful in one's job while one's family is falling apart and get away with it. That is impossible in the church. Marriage is public in the church and it is a demonstration of the gospel to the Christian community. Ephesians 5.25-28 says,
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Do you see what happens when Christ loved us? We are sanctified. The same thing happens when husbands love their wives. They are sanctified. Isn’t that what we long for in the church? We are at Hope because we want to be changed, to be sanctified and sanctification happens through relationship, not just more information. So, if a leader in the church’s marriage relationship has led to transformation, then you can be relatively assured that this leader will do the same thing in the church.*
This likely raises the question about being single. Even though these passages seem to assume that officers in the church are married and have children, we know that was not the case across the board. For instance, Jesus was single and so was the Apostle Paul. Paul went so far as championing singleness for Christians in 1 Corinthians 7. Paul champions singleness because just as in marriage, it is the loudest gospel message of a Christian leader. Singleness bears witness to the sufficiency and fullness of Jesus. Singleness also bears witness to the reality of the resurrection. Jesus said in Matthew 22 that there will be no marriage when he comes again to make all things new. So, we see in the healthy single Christian leader someone who has great opportunity for ministry in Christ’s church.
As you nominate potential elders, deacons, and deaconesses, look at their vocations as married and single. If you see a healthy, humble, grace-filled married man or woman, you likely can attribute those qualities to a godly, loving spouse. If you see a single person who smells of the aroma of Jesus and is surrounded by deep friends, you likely can attribute their pursuit of a healthy singleness as the reason for those qualities.
- Marshall
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*The Ephesians 5 passage is speaking to the sanctification that occurs in a wife who is loved sacrificially by her husband. Wives also can have impact on their husband’s spiritual condition, which we see in 1 Peter 3:1 and 1 Corinthians 7:14.
